Divorce and Remarriage - by Jennifer Lang

DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE

This is another topic where many believers and leaders in ministry use verses out of context to forbid divorce or remarriage, or to make people who have been divorced feel like they’ll be living in sin (adultery) if they remarry, and have them believing they have to remain single for the rest of their lives unless their former spouse dies, EVEN if the former spouse remarries, and therefore cannot ever remarry the original spouse, according to Deuteronomy 24:4. This is not so! I know several people who are caught up in this unnecessary bondage of ‘stay single or else’)! Yahuwah does not want His beloveds to go through the sadness and brokenness of divorce, but He does not forbid it either. Please stay with me.

First of all, the verse Malachi 2:16 that seems to say Yahuwah hates divorce in some of the translations, does not say Yahuwah hates divorce. Before you decide to stone me, please hear me out. The word that was translated ‘divorce’ is NOT ‘keriythuwth’, which means ‘divorce’, but is ‘shalach’, which actually means ‘putting away’, which is a term meaning to send away, put out, and is the second step in divorce.

Malachi 2:16 New American Standard Bible
16 “For I hate divorce,” says Yahuwah, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with violence,” says Yahuwah of armies. “So be careful about your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”

The King James Version got it right this time.

Malachi 2:16 King James Version
16 For Yahuwah, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith Yahuwah of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

First, they were to give the wife a written certificate of divorce (see Deuteronomy 24:1-2, which I’ll talk about shortly), and then were to send them away, but instead the men were sending them away without giving them the divorce, and so they were still legally married (as in separated). Yahuwah hates ‘putting away’. It left the women bound to the husband, yet not provided for or protected by the husband, and not free to marry a different husband because it would be adultery, as she was still married to the first one. Yahuwah doesn’t want His daughters bound to a man that has deserted her!

He doesn’t want His sons bound like that either, but wives were not often deserting their husbands in those days like the men were doing to their wives. I believe this is the reason He told the men to divorce their wives instead of just leaving them, yet didn’t tell the wives the same thing. I do not believe, as many strict religious men believe, that women are forbidden from divorcing their husbands, but in those days the leaders didn’t allow them to, and the wives generally stayed with their husbands so they could be protected by them, provided for, have a means to bear children, etc., and probably didn’t even want divorces. Their husbands were security for them. However, the husbands were leaving their wives for younger prettier ones, for women who worshipped idols instead of Yahuwah, etc, and leaving their wives helpless. In those days women who were abandoned often ended up being prostitutes in order to survive. Yahuwah made this provision in the law for divorce to protect the wives who were abandoned!

The men of those days would often go out and marry foreign women who worshipped pagan gods (demons), even though they were still legally married to their first wives.

Malachi 2:15 says Yahuwah is seeking a godly seed, not the seeds of people who worshipped foreign gods as this polluted the pureness, holiness, of Yahuwah’s people.

In Ezra 10:11, Ezra, a powerful and respected high priest, even told Yahuwah’s people to depart from their foreign wives whom they had married even though they knew better, because they were pagans, and said it would be Yahuwah’s pleasure (“and do his pleasure”).

Ezra 10:11 King James Version
11 Now therefore make confession unto Yahuwah, God of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives.

Divorce is a sensitive subject. Not everyone who is an unbeliever is a worshipper of pagan demon deities. The ones described in Ezra were.

Now some believers who do not understand the Scriptures on this topic tell people who HAVE been legally divorced, and remarried, that they must divorce their new spouse and go back to the original one, but this is not true. In fact, it’s not even allowed (see Deuteronomy 24:4). If they were legally divorced and not just ‘put away’ (separated), then it was legal for them to remarry, and that new marriage is legitimate.

In the book of Ezra, they had married foreign women who worshipped pagan gods (demons), and that was against Yahuwah’s will. That is also called fornication. Fornication is not just illicit sex, it has to do with paganism. Yahuwah didn’t want them producing offspring from this ungodly union because it would pollute the set-apartness of His people. Some of them did have children with these women, and Ezra had them leave the children as well as the mothers.

When it says in Mark 10:9 that what Yahuwah has put together let no man put asunder, this would not necessarily apply to marriages that mankind put together, like in Ezra, against Yahuwah’s will. It also doesn’t mean that all non-God-ordained marriages should end.

1 Corinthians 7:10-17 King James Version
10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but Yahuwah, Let not the wife depart (Strong’s #5563 ‘to separate, divide, part, put asunder, to separate one's self from, to leave a husband or wife, to go away’) from her husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried (single) or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. (‘to bid going away or depart of a husband’)
12 But to the rest speak I, not Yahuwah: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy (set apart).
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but Yahuwah hath called us to peace.
16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
17 But as Yahuwah hath distributed to every man, as Yahuwah hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.

By the way, being sanctified in 1 Corinthians 7 does not mean the unbelieving spouse is saved because their believing spouse is saved, it means they are ‘set-apart’ in that the believing spouse brings blessings into the home that the unbelieving spouse benefits from as well, and the children also. A similar situation is Genesis 18 where Yahuwah agrees to not destroy Sodom if He finds as few as ten righteous people in the city – that He will spare the city for their sakes – this is a case where the unbelievers would be ‘set-apart’ because of the believers who live there – that they would reap the benefits of mercy because of their believing neighbors. However, in that case, there were not even ten righteous ones there, so Yahuwah destroyed the city and only Lot’s family escaped.

Women in those days were not allowed to divorce their husbands, so where it says ‘if she depart, let her remain unmarried or’, it only makes sense that she is not actually ‘unmarried’ as in divorced, but single as in separated, and so of course she is not to marry someone else. Only a divorce gives the allowance to remarry. And ‘let not the husband ‘put away’ his wife, ‘put away’ is Strong’s # 863 ‘aphiēmi’ which means ‘to bid going away or depart, of a husband divorcing his wife, to let go, let alone, let be, to disregard, to omit, neglect, to give up, keep no longer, to leave, go way from one, to depart from one, to desert wrongfully, to go away leaving something behind, to leave one by not taking him as a companion, abandon, leave destitute.

It is from the root word #575 ‘apo’ which means ‘of separation, of departing, of fleeing, of separation of a part from the whole, of any kind of separation of one thing from another by which the union or fellowship of the two is destroyed’. One time in the definitions it mentions ‘divorce’, but this verse says “I command, yet not I, but Yahuwah”, and in Deuteronomy 24:1-4 Yahuwah tells the man who wants to leave his wife “let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house”, so Yahuwah wouldn’t contradict Himself and tell the husband who wants to leave the wife to give her a divorce, and turn around in 1 Corinthians 7 and command the husband NOT to divorce his wife if he chooses to leave her, but He is again telling the man not to ‘put away’ his wife, meaning not to leave her abandoned, destitute, without giving her a divorce so that she can remarry.

All but one of those definitions refer to deserting her rather than divorcing her. Re-capping that, if SHE leaves HIM, then she is not divorced because women could not divorce their husbands in those days, so she was still married even though she was by herself, and was to remain alone or reconcile to her husband (that she was still married to), but if the HUSBAND leaves his wife, which he was instructed not to do (unless she was committing fornication – see Deuteronomy 24), but if he did it anyway, he was not to abandon her, leaving her still married but without ability to marry another and again be provided for, but to follow the instructions in Deuteronomy 24, which is part of the law, and give her a divorce so she can marry another man. You see, Deuteronomy 24 doesn’t just go away and no longer apply.

People will point out that adulterers were stoned and not divorced, but they didn’t always stone them. When Joseph thought Mary had committed fornication, because she was pregnant, he chose to end their relationship ‘quietly’ rather than have her stoned (until the angel revealed to him that it was the Holy Spirit who made her pregnant). Stoning was not required, it was an option. Capital punishment was not always used when it could be, because they valued life so much that they seldom decided to end it. When a woman was caught in adultery and brought to Yahushuwah, she was not stoned to death. She repented and was told to go and sin no more.

Deuteronomy 24:1-2 King James Version
24 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.

In Malachi, the men were marrying pagan women so it’s the men committing fornication in this chapter, as in paganism, and not the wives. When it says they found some ‘uncleanness’ in her, it is not that the wife was committing fornication, which is what some say uncleanness means even in this verse. They are wrong. Look at the whole section in context:

Malachi 2:11-17 King James Version
11 Judah hath dealt treacherously, and an abomination is committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judah hath profaned the holiness of Yahuwah which he loved, and hath married the daughter of a strange god.
12 Yahuwah will cut off the man that doeth this, the master and the scholar, out of the tabernacles of Jacob, and him that offereth an offering unto Yahuwah of hosts.
13 And this have ye done again, covering the altar of Yahuwah with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand.
14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because Yahuwah hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
15 And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
16 For Yahuwah, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith Yahuwah of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. (Do you think there MAY have been some abuse of wives going on here as well?)
17 Ye have wearied Yahuwah with your words. Yet ye say, Wherein have we wearied him? When ye say, Every one that doeth evil is good in the sight of Yahuwah, and he delighteth in them; or, Where is the God of judgment?

Yahuwah wanted her to have the option to re-marry so she wouldn’t be desolate, and many of the men left their wives even though they did not commit fornication. In fact most of them were leaving faithful wives for inadequate reasons so that THEY, the men, could marry idol worshipping women. Some left them because they burned dinner, or for other stupid hard-hearted reasons, such as to find a wife they were more attracted to. The wives were innocent – Yahuwah calls them “wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.”

I am quoting the following information from “A Biblical Look at Divorce” on the website alephomegaministries.com:

“In his teachings Yeshua was reacting to other teachings from certain liberal Pharisees whose teachings were based on the ideas of Rabbi Hillel’s. Hillel died when Yeshua would have been a boy and his teachings on divorce were very popular. He taught that a man could divorce for practically “any cause” where as the school of Shammai who was another Rabbi of the day opposed his thoughts on divorce and you could only get divorced if the wife or husband were caught in adultery. We also need to remember that the punishment for adultery was stoning, but at the time of Yeshua the Sanhedrin “the Jewish court of law” could say that they wanted the death sentence to be given but had to go to the procurator of Judea i.e. Pontius Pilate and ask him to agree to allow them to proceed with a death sentence i.e. stoning. The Roman’s at that time did not see anything wrong with adultery as they would have mistresses as well as committing adultery with other married women.” (contd. below)

“Yeshua also had to contend with the problem of the day concerning King Herod Antipas who stole the wife of Herod Philip and forced a divorce that was unlawful. They knew that the arrest of John the Baptist was due to John’s vocal rejection of the divorce and remarriage“

Yahushuwa quotes Deuteronomy 24:1 when He says “It has been said, whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement” (Matthew 5:31). He was quoting what is called ‘the law of Moses’ but it was Yahuwah/Yahushuwa who gave the law for Moses to write on the scrolls, so it was actually our Heavenly Father’s law, not Moses’ law.

Malachi 4:4 King James Version
4 Remember ye the law of Moses my servant, which I commanded unto him in Horeb for all Israel, with the statutes and judgments.

Our Father is the One who gave these instructions to Moses, and Yahushuwa is letting them know that it is because of the peoples’ hardness of hearts that He allows divorce, but it was never meant to be that way. Marriage is supposed to be patterned after the relationship between Yahushuwa and His bride, the ‘church’, but many people have hardened hearts and do not operate this way in marriage.

Again, in Mark 10, it says:

Mark 10:2-9 King James Version
2 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.
3 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
5 And Yahushuwa answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
6 But from the beginning of the creation Yahuwah made them male and female.
7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;

8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
9 What therefore Yahuwah hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Here is the entire section in Deuteronomy:

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 King James Version
24 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.
3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;
4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before Yahuwah: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which Yahuwah thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

Both are talking about the two-step process of divorce, which is to give the person the written certificate of divorce and send the person away, NOT just send the person away, still married! Matthew 5 was translated correctly, as the word (Strong’s #630) ‘apoluo’ was used and it means ‘send away, dismiss’ just as the Hebrew word ‘shalach’ means the same thing. And the word (Strong’s #647) ‘apostasion’ which means a bill of divorce is used correctly, and it means the same thing as ‘keriythuwth’ in the Hebrew.

Now, the translators did the same mistranslating in the New Testament in Matthew 5:32 where it says “But I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” The phrase “her that is divorced” should be translated “her that is put away” because it comes from the word ‘apoluo’ (send away) and not ‘apostasion’ (divorce). Therefore, this is NOT saying that if someone marries a divorced woman he commits adultery, it is saying that if someone marries a ‘put away’ (meaning separated, not divorced) woman then he is committing adultery (because she is still legally married!) The next three verses are translated correctly:

Mathew 19:9 King James Version
9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Mark 10:11-12 King James Version
11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Luke 16:18 King James Version
18 Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.

And then in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 where it says whoever puts away his wife except for the cause of fornication, does that mean that he is free to remarry even though she is just ‘put away’? Of course not. But if she committed fornication (illicit sex, idolatry) then he can divorce her AND put her away, and then he is free to remarry. Or he can forgive her and if she has repented and is willing, they can work on healing their marriage.

In Deuteronomy 24:1 where it says a man can divorce his wife if he finds some ‘uncleanness’ in her, the word ‘uncleanness’ here means sexual immorality or idolatry. Yahushuwa defines this in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 where He says “except it be for fornication”, rather than for ‘any reason’ as many of them believed, but regardless, the men were divorcing them for ‘any reason’ and leaving innocent women without provision.

Matthew 19:9 King James Version
9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Fornication’ is Strong’s #4202 ‘porneia’ and means illicit sexual intercourse, which includes adultery, sex outside of marriage, homosexuality, lesbianism, sexual intercourse with animals, with close relatives, and of course it includes sexual contact with children. It also can be defined as ‘the worship of idols’, idolatry (idol worship, worship of pagan deities which often includes temple prostitution). This is the only reason LISTED that Yahuwah allows divorce, although I will show some other Scriptures that also appear to justify divorce, but aren’t as obvious, and this certainly can apply to either sex, as both men and women sometimes commit these sins in their marriage, but in the Bible days the leaders didn’t let women get divorced unless they got special permission from the leaders, and when granted, the leaders forced the husbands to give the wives the divorce.

Another thing to consider is spouse abuse. Wife abuse is quite common and always has been (husband abuse happens also but it’s more common that men abuse women.)

  

Many times, professing Christians and ministers tell women to stay with an abuser, to try and be a better wife, or to leave but NEVER divorce him, or if she divorces him she is told to NEVER remarry unless he happens to die. Yahuwah does not expect His daughters to stay with a husband who abuses them. She should get away to a safe place, have him arrested and sent to prison, and I believe she should not stay married to this kind of man, because they rarely change and her life (and a child if there is one) is in danger if she stays.

Yahuwah does not expect her to remain single for the rest of her life until he dies, and be punished with loneliness for years, raise the children alone, and struggle to provide for herself and children if there are children involved, alone. He is the one to be punished, NOT her! The allowance for divorce for hardness of heart works both ways. I know there are people who will shred me for saying this, because they do not know how to use common sense, and they actually think that Yahuwah is that hard hearted – so be it. I will not back down on this. Women are now allowed to get divorced, even in Jewish communities, without special permission from the elders, and the Scriptures allow anyone who is divorced to re-marry.

Here is an opportunity for you to use some common sense. The Bible says here:

1 Corinthians 7:1-9 English Standard Version
1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”
2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.
7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from Yahuwah, one of one kind and one of another.
8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.
9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

So here Paul is encouraging people to remain single if they can handle it, but if the desire to have sex is too strong, then they should marry because it’s better to marry than to burn with passion! These are single people Paul was talking about, which normally means virgins in those days – people who have never experienced the joy of sex before, and suggesting that they remain single so they can put their attention totally on serving Yahuwah rather than on pleasing a spouse, yet if they can’t control their desire for sex, he says they should go ahead and marry.

Do you really think that Yahuwah expects His children who HAVE been married and experienced the joy of sex, and know how good it is, to stay single for the rest of their lives, thereby forfeiting ever having sex again (unless their x-spouse dies), even though they are even less apt to be able to control their passion, because they’ve experienced sex before? Seriously – use common sense here. If you are close to Yahuwah then you should know His heart well enough to know He is not like that.

 

Child abuse is an issue also, by fathers and by mothers. People who abuse children don’t deserve their children! If your spouse abuses your children, get them away from the abuser and never go back – they hardly ever change. They’ll stop for a season sometimes, but will start it back up sooner or later. Forgive them, by telling Yahuwah you release them from all anger and bitterness, and put them in Yahuwah’s hands to deal with as He decides, but do this from a distance and don’t hesitate for a second to get them imprisoned. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to let the abuser near you or your children again. It helps keep you from destroying yourself and others with bitterness.

 

Even ministers or pastors, who have abused children physically or sexually, will start it back up even after repenting. Do not take a chance! You’ll end up learning the hard way and will regret it for the rest of your life.

Some believers are so staunch on believing divorce is always evil, or that adultery is the only grounds for it, that they are vile in their responses to anyone who needs to get out of an abusive marriage for the safety of themselves, their children and/or their emotional survival. I’ve seen some really harsh comments by some who profess to be children of ‘God’, and I’ve seen abused women run away from the ‘church’ to get away from ‘Christians’ who can be very MENTALLY and EMOTIONALLY abusive in their responses.

What I find interesting is Scriptures like this, and relate it to marriage:

1 Corinthians 5:11-12 New International Version
But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. (So if one has a spouse that comes home crazy drunk, has spent the rent money on himself (or herself), and idolizes the bar and flirting with the women there, instead of spending evenings at home with the spouse, the spouse is to refuse to associate with or eat with that person….??)

Ephesians 5:3-7 New International Version
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for Yahuwah’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Mashiach and of Yahuwah. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things Yahuwah’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them. (So if the spouse is dancing with others in the club, cursing and making dirty jokes, spending the family’s money on self instead of on family things, do not be their partner….??)

2 Timothy 3:1-5 King James Version
3 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers (which also can be translated ‘abusive’), disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of Yahuwah;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

2 Tim 3:1-5 New International Version
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of Yahuwah — having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.

The main thing I’m looking at here is the abusive husband, and the women who think they can’t divorce them (abusive, unholy, without love, without self-control, brutal, treacherous – maybe putting fist holes in the wall with his violent fits, breaking furniture, maybe abusing children or killing the family pet because of his violence – maybe he even ends up in prison – HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH SUCH PEOPLE……)

In an article called “Adultery, Abuse, Abandonment are Biblical Grounds for Divorce” by gbaskerville, Jul 28, 2020, the author makes some very good points to consider:

“How can we be so sure that abuse and substance abuse are serious in God's eyes? God doesn't want abusive people in the church. The apostle Paul told the Christians in Corinth to end their association with any sexually immoral, drunk, emotionally or financially abusive person.” “We should not associate with people who claim to be Christians but are immoral. Not even to eat with them.” “We can love them, forgive them, and still follow the biblical commands to get away from them. We are not called to hate them. We can divorce (or separate) and walk away. Perhaps they will learn their lesson when they lose a spouse. Of course there are people who will say, "These verses don't apply to marriage and divorce." Why not? How can a pastor say these verses apply to everything except marriage? This behavior is so bad that Christians are to be thrown out of the church according to 1 Cor 5:11-12 and Eph 5:3-7. If God wants the church to reject them, how can you ask a spouse to tolerate more than God does? If in God's eyes, this person does not inherit the Kingdom of God, then they are an unbeliever. If they abandon their duty, Christians are given permission to divorce in 1 Corinthians 7:15.”

I’m not promoting divorce. I think couples should seek to heal broken marriages in most cases. But if one spouse is not willing and putting forth the effort, and is abusive or unfaithful, dangerous, or guilty of some of these other horrible things, that is much more serious than just being an unbeliever who is willing to stay with the believing spouse.

Even Yahuwah divorced Israel, as said in Jeremiah 3:8 and Isaiah 50:1, although He will bring them back and restore them, as said in Jeremiah 3:14-18 and Isaiah 51 & 52.

Jeremiah 3:8 King James Version
And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.

Now here are some verses that show there are times when the law commands divorce for neglect of provision of food, clothing, and marital rights (which is sex), all which are forms of abuse. – see:

1 Corinthians 7:4 King James Version
4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

Here are the verses:

Exodus 21:10-11 King James Version
10 If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.
11 And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.

In this first verse, the husband, if he takes a second wife, must not stop providing those three things for his first wife, and if he does, he cannot demote her to slave or concubine status, but must let her go FREE. Obviously, this was when men having more than one wife was tolerated, and when slavery was going on, which are not things that we as believers are now doing, but the principle is there that a husband must provide those three things for his wife or he is commanded to divorce her and let her go as a free woman. And going free includes the ability to re-marry, not still being bound to him.

Deuteronomy 21:11-14 New International Version
11 if you notice among the captives a beautiful woman and are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife. 

12 Bring her into your home and have her shave her head, trim her nails 

13 and put aside the clothes she was wearing when captured. After she has lived in your house and mourned her father and mother for a full month, then you may go to her and be her husband and she shall be your wife. 

14 If you are not pleased with her, let her go wherever she wishes. You must not sell her or treat her as a slave, since you have dishonored her.

This second verse is easier to understand in the NIV Bible. So if during a war there are ‘prisoners of war’ captured, and a man notices a woman he’d like to marry, he brings her home, does as instructed, lets her mourn her parents that she was taken from, then he may marry her. He cannot just bring her home and rape her. This is in the days when it was tolerated that women were treated more like property than equals, yet Yahuwah did not allow the men to sell her into slavery or treat her like a slave if he decided he didn’t like her after all. He was commanded to let her go free, which means divorced and able to marry someone else. Husbands were expected to provide for their wives, not neglect or abuse them, and if they did not provide then they were to let the wives go free so they could find a husband that would.

There is only one time when the Bible prohibits a divorce, and that is when the woman is raped and the man is forced to marry her – he may NEVER divorce her. In those times the man did not just get away with it, or go to jail for a few months or years, like they do in our times. But what woman who was raped would want to marry her rapist?

It says “if they be found” – many women even in today’s times keep it a secret if they are raped, because they are embarrassed or ashamed or afraid – they likely did in those days too if they weren’t ‘found’. In those days, after she was shamed, her father could decide not to have her marry the man. Or she may not want the marriage, and her father may not demand it, if he cared about her feelings. The victim wasn’t forced to marry the rapist – the forcing was placed on the rapist, and that is only if the woman’s father demanded it. She could let her father know how she felt and if she didn’t want the marriage, he may honor her in that, depending on what kind of father he was. In many cases the women may have felt it was better to marry the man than to be left shamed and desolate – that at least she would be provided for as she aged.

If the woman knew the man and it was like date rape, and she didn’t want to be left shamed and perhaps pregnant with no father for the child to provide for her and help her raise it, she may welcome the marriage so that she was not destitute and feeling defiled, living with her father from then on, who in many cases couldn’t easily afford that, or being rejected by any prospects who might have married her if she was still a virgin. Virginity was practically a necessity in those days.

But the main thing about this law was that the rapist could not just marry the woman to save face, and then turn around and divorce her. He was forbidden to EVER divorce her. He had to provide for her for the rest of his life, which might make him think twice about raping her (unless he secretly wanted to marry her but wasn’t allowed to, and he used rape as a way of trying to force the marriage.)

Deuteronomy 22:28-29 King James Version
28 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
29 Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.

Exodus 22:16-17 New International Version
Social Responsibility
16 “If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife.
17 If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins.

A case where a man raped a woman and somehow illegally refused to marry her was in 2 Samuel 13:16, where Ammon raped his half-sister Tamar. She begged him to stay with her so that she wouldn’t be shamed, but he did not, so her brother Absalom protected her.

2 Samuel 13:12-16 New International Version
12 “No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. 

13 What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” 

14 But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.
15 Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”
16 “No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.”

But he refused to listen to her.

You can read all of 2 Samuel for the whole story. But this section shows that she would rather have had him marry her than send her away, even though he raped her! This was a different culture than what we are used to now.